Why asking for what you want is a superpower
Beyoncé says, “Power is not given to you. You have to take it.” Take a lesson from the queen herself and learn how to get more of what you want.
Rachel Service is the Founder of Happiness Concierge: a training company that helps people ace their work and lives
Raise your hand if you're seeking less frustration and more appreciation in your life? Maybe less resentment and more joy? Chances are, if this is what you're after, your wants aren't currently being met.
You're not alone. When we know and ask for what we want, we open more opportunities to find things that are our jam. In short, you don't ask - you don't get! As Beyoncé says, "Power is not given to you. You have to take it."
Asking for what you want requires overcoming your fear, plus persistence and practise. But it doesn't have to be as challenging as climbing Mount Everest. Here are my best tips on how you can start conquering mountains by asking for what you want.
What do you want?
Before you can ask for what you want, you have to know what you want.
At Happiness Concierge, we encourage our students to articulate what they want before taking any action. The best way to distill that is to take some quiet thinking time and ask yourself some deep questions. Here's a helpful framework to start with:
- How do I want to feel?
- What do I want to have?
- What do I want to achieve?
It's completely okay not to know what you want, and I encourage you to refine it as time goes on. Your wants are completely up to you. They are not dependent on what others expect of you or what you think you should want. Spend a little time considering what the above would consist of if answering truthfully (instead of what you think you should write down).
Put yourself out there
Once you've completed these questions, think about action by identifying the smallest stepping stone to turning what you want into a reality.
Make your #onechange
Take some time-out to ask yourself Rachel's questions. It'll give you the foundations you need to work out what you really want.
Here are a few examples:
- If your goal is to feel more energised, could getting more sleep be a priority?
- If your goal is to eat out less, could meal prepping be a start?
- If your goal is to spend more time with your family, could you create boundaries around leaving work at a certain time each week?
Practise asking for what you want with someone who wants to see you succeed and see how it feels. It's the tiniest of steps that build momentum and telling someone you admire can be both hugely validating and motivating.
Accept you might get rejected
At HC, we continually hear our students cite the fear of rejection as their number one obstacle in articulating what they want, whether it's making a career change, asking for more flexibility or approaching a new client or colleague.
Let's face it; we won't always get what we want. A rejection isn't always a reflection of our character; often it's a clue to help us get closer to what we want to do more of.
For example, when we expect people won't always like us, we can release our fears of likability and get on with connecting with people who are more our flavour. When people say 'no', it's not always a personal rejection. 'No' can simply mean 'not yet'; it might be an invitation to go back to the drawing board.
Identifying what you want, putting yourself out there and getting comfortable with rejection is a superpower. When we ask for what we want, we allow ourselves to be open and get closer to opportunities that light us up.
Rachel Service is the Founder of Happiness Concierge: a training company that helps people ace their work and lives. After suffering anxiety, depression and burnout in her 20s, Rachel realised her career was killing her and created Happiness Concierge to help other people have more impact at work.
The information in this article is general information only and is not intended as financial, medical, health, nutritional, tax or other advice. It does not take into account any individual’s personal situation or needs. You should consider obtaining professional advice from a financial adviser and/or tax specialist, or medical or health practitioner, in relation to your own circumstances and before acting on this information.